*********
She seemed dressed in all of me,
stretched across my shame,
all the torment and the pain,
Leaked through and covered me,
*********

I sighed and looked down at the lithe frame curled up on my bed, gentle breaths dusting over his pale pink lips. His black hair fell over his beautiful face like a veil, those icy orbs shut off from the world.

I wanted to reach out and touch him. I wanted to smooth his hair, feel it between my fingers. Wanted to touch his face, run my fingertips over his eyelids, feel his eyelashes, down his pale cheeks, run a finger over his sweet lips.

But I didn’t move. I stayed firmly where I was, a few feet from the bed, just looking at him. I couldn’t even remember why Joey had come to my house; I couldn’t remember much of anything except is voice ringing through my head.

I took a step towards the bed, watched as Joey’s chest rose and fell with his quiet breaths. I stood there for a moment again, just watching him, hypnotized, until finally I managed to take the last few steps to the bed. I sat on it and looked down at my hands.

I was trembling. When had that started? I wasn’t sure, but I realized I trembled a lot around Joey.

I looked back at him, at his sleeping face. He seemed so innocent, so shame free and beautiful. If he knew what coursed through my mind when I thought of him, would he still look the same?

I had to wonder. Here he was stretched across me bed, my shame, sleeping soundly, unaware of the thoughts that coursed through this primal brain, the want and need that stained my eyes and lips. He had no idea the torment I felt when I looked at him. I was torn between locking things inside and keeping him within arms reach, for fear of expressing something I was afraid to say and having him drift away.

I rested my head in my palms, an ache slowly pounding through my temples, a pain leaking through, sure to plague the rest of my body and psyche later.

*********
I'd do anything to have her to myself,
just to have her for myself,
*********

I released a shaky breath, but didn’t look back up at Joey. Looking at him made it worse. Looking at him made me see that he was within reach, that if I really wanted to I could just reach out and touch him, hold him.

But I couldn’t. I’d give anything to, but I knew no matter what I gave, Joey wasn’t for me. I couldn’t keep him to myself, couldn’t have him, no matter what I gave.

Now I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do,
when she makes me sad

I felt the trembles passing through my body growing stronger, and I took another deep breath. Slowly they subsided. I groaned quietly, felt my brown curls drifting over my hands as I held my head.

It felt horrible to know he could never be mine. It made tears well behind my eyelids, tears I refused to cry, I refused to let streak warm down my cheeks.

I never knew what to do when I felt like this, when Joey made me feel like this.

*********
She is everything to me,
The unrequited dream,
A song that no one sings,
The unattainable,
*********

I was brought out of my world of thoughts when I heard a faint whisper,

“Corey?”

I looked over and saw Joey was sitting up, his blue eyes staring intently, but gently at me. They seemed to glow, almost radiate.

“Are you alright?” His voice was still a hushed whisper, barely audible. I nodded.

I was far form all right. I was far from all right as I stared at my everything, the world itself couldn’t compare to Joey. He was my dream, but I was sure I was not his. Unrequited love, an unanswered and unreturned dream.

He moved closer to me and reached out, his fingers brushing my arm. They were soft, cold like ice. I wondered if Joey was made of ice, an artist’s prized sculpture.

“You don’t look alright,” he whispered, moving closer still. Dangerously close. I wanted to move away, wanted to escape as I felt my heart pound in my chest. His voice sounded like music near my ear, soothing, a song no one sings.

He was so close, but yet so unattainable.

*********
She's a myth that I have to believe in,
All A need to make it real - is one more reason,
*********

I felt Joey’s chest press to my arm, and his arms drape loosely around me, gripping my opposite shoulder. I looked at him, and his blue eyes were gazing up at me. He looked so beautiful.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he whispered softly, finger tips pushing the short sleeve of my shirt up and playing over my skin. “Tell me everything.”

I could feel his heart beat, pressed to my arm. A gentle rhythm that could lull you to sleep, a rhythm completely by the way his chest would press tighter to me as he’d breath.

This was unreal. I had to be dreaming. I needed to wake up, or get some sort of sign to make this all real.

“Corey,” he whispered again, and I looked back at him. He sounded genuinely worried, and I realized I hadn’t said a word to him yet.

“I’m fine,” I whispered, reaching up and placing my hand over one of his, feeling his cold fingers lace in with mine. I looked away, and he frowned.

“You can’t keep my gaze for more then a few seconds,” he whispered, pushing himself onto his knees and leaning close, his lips near my ear, his breath tickling my neck. My heart raced faster. “Your heart is pounding,” he murmured, lips brushing the soft skin under my ear. “Why?”

*********
But I won't let this build up inside of me,
I won't let this build up inside of me,
I won't let this build up inside of me
(I won't let this build up inside of me),
I won't let this build up inside of me
(I won't let this build up inside of me)
*********

I didn’t answer, I didn’t look at him. His lips felt so soft, I wanted to shiver, I wanted to moan, close my eyes. But I didn’t. I kept my gaze locked down on the floor.

I didn’t want to let this build up inside of me.

I expected Joey to question me again, but he didn’t. He just pressed his soft lips to my neck again, then to my jaw line. He released my shoulder with one hand, lacing it on my other shoulder, and carefully he pushed me back until I was lying on my back.

I was confused; I was at a loss for words. I didn’t know what he was doing, I didn’t know what I expected him to do, but what he did was probably the furthest away in my mind.

Carefully he crawled over me and leaned down until our lips were hovering, almost against each other. His hands reached up and tangled in my hair, his hair falling around our faces like a canopy.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he whispered, eyes locking with mine.

I swear he’d never looked more beautiful.

“That you’re beautiful,” I whispered, cursing myself in my head, then realizing I couldn’t let this build up inside me like this. Maybe…maybe it was better to get it all out, let him know.

*********
I catch in my throat - choke,
torn into pieces I won't,
No,
I don't want to be this
*********

He smiled at me, his hands working through my hair, then his fingertips brushing over my forehead, my temples. The ache that had been slowly throbbing through me was forgotten.

He tilted his head a little and leaned down more, his lips brushing mine, soft, cold, but perfect.

I froze, felt my breath catch in my throat, my heart seemed to stop. The kiss was soft, just a brush of his lips, but enough to make my mind spin, make me feel faint.

“Am I still beautiful?” Joey whispered against my lips, his index finger running down my cheek.

“Always.”

Hee blushed and smiled, the hand that wasn’t on my face tracing down my chest, stopping over my heart. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but I didn’t speak.

His fingertips pressed harder over my chest, and I watched as his eyes slit shut.

“Your heart is racing,” he murmured. “Just like mine.”

He slowly lay down so his chest was pressed to me, and I could feel his heart, racing now. Was I doing that to him? Was I making his heart race?

I wasn’t sure I wanted be what made it race. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be this. What if it raced because he was scared…scared of me?

*********
She~ isn't real
I can't make her real
she~ isn't real
I can't make her real
*********

After a moment he looked back at me, his eyes shimmering, tears brimming. My own eyes widened a little.

“Tell me I’m making it race,” he whispered softly, pleadingly. His voice sounded so needy, I couldn’t deny the truth.

“You are,” I whispered, one of my hands reaching up and touching his back gently. I was trembling again, but he didn’t pull away from my touch. Carefully I ran my fingers over his spine, heard him purr softly and close his eyes.

“You’re making my heart race,” he said. “You always make my heart race.” He laid his head down on my chest, over my heart, and tapped his fingers in a rhythm on my chest.

I didn’t know what to say. I really didn’t know what to make of what had just happened, and all I could force out of my mouth was, “Joey?”

“I love you,” he whispered, his fingers stopping their movements. He reached down for my hand and I let him take it; guide it up to his lips. He kissed my fingertips softly, murmuring it over and over again after every kiss.

I closed my eyes, concentrated on his lips, the soft brush of them against my skin, and I heard him whisper,

“Tell me you love me.”

“I love you,” I whispered as he kissed my palm, then down to my wrist. He sucked gently on the skin, felt my pulse against his tongue. I suppressed a shudder.

I thought this version of Joey was unreal, a boy that lived in my dreams.

“How long have you loved me?” he whispered, kisses traveling up my arm now.

“Since I saw you,” I whispered. I shook my head. “No, before. I always loved you, I didn’t need to know you to love you.”

He lips ran over the underside of my elbow, pausing again to feel my pulse before he continued up.

“How long will you love me?”

“Forever,” I said without hesitation or thought. He smiled as he reached my shoulder and leaned in, lips touching the corner of mine. “Are you real?” I whispered, almost whimpered, and he smiled. He kissed me again, soft lips opening, tongue dancing with mine.

Again he pulled back and whispered against my lips, “I’m as real as you want me to be.”